Week 4 Feedback

Aloha! Here are some notes for this week.

Make outlines of your essays before you begin. 

Your intro needs to say the three main ideas you’re going to talk about.

Then talk about those three main ideas in the three body paragraphs.

Then sum them up again in the conclusion.

Book reports: choose one option. From now on, please INCLUDE which option you are choosing in your finished book report. 

If you made a Prezi-- resend! You all invited me to collaborate or edit, but none of the links work. Instead, find a link to SHARE it with me. There may be other ways as well-- possibly to upload to Youtube? None of the Prezi book reports have received a grade. Get those to me ASAP so you can get a grade. 

I MUST have your drafts by Wed 2pm to guarantee corrections. If not, I probably will not get to you in time. If I don't get a draft from you on time, you will be graded based on EVERYTHING in the 6 Traits Rubric rather than just my yellow highlighted comments and suggested edits. 

My grading schedule: Sorry! I am still working through the grades! If you are missing something, I have already let you know. Remember, the most important feedback is not the GRADE. The most important feedback is what I write I write in the rubric of your first drafts.

Why are you getting bad grades? I grade based on the amount of change and improvement from first draft to final. If all you did was change the spelling of  few words, you're going to get a bad grade. If you added sensory images and strong evidence and interesting connections to your own life, you will get a good grade!

Good writing is saying a complex idea simply. Bad writing is saying a simple idea in an overly complicated way. Beware of little filler words that make your writing sound fancy without actually improving your idea. 

Make the changes I suggest. Answer the questions I ask. Fix the problems I point out. If in my comment I tell you, "This is not a good source. Use one like this:" I want you to change the source in your final draft.

Finally, do you guys remember Dora the Explorer?? Remember how she always had a Map? And it was ridiculously simple with the three places they were going to go? Then then went to those places? And then at the end they said, "We went to these three places!!" THAT IS HOW YOU WRITE AN ESSAY. 

In the introduction, tell me where we're going.  I need a roadmap sentence in the introductory paragraph. Then in the three body paragraphs, take me to those ideas. In the conclusion, tell me where we went. Vamanos!

Mahalo for all your hard work! Keep it up! The end is in sight!

Me ke aloha!

Kumu Becca 

I ka ‘ōlelo no ke ola, i ka ‘ōlelo nō ka make.

How can Parents Help?

Parents, thank you for your support and involvement! 

I have an important requirement for you. Do not write your student's essays for them. It robs them of the chance to learn, and teaches them that you think they are not capable. 

Let them make and correct their own mistakes. 

You can help by having your child read their essay out loud to you. 

Ask them questions: 

"What are you trying to say?" 

"Where is your evidence?"  

"When do you need capitals or periods?" 

"Is this word spelled correctly?" 

Have them read the rubric with you, and help them understand the assignment better. 

Do not write for them. 

Better a beginner essay that the student actually wrote than an advanced essay that the student didn't write. Just like with plagiarism, it is vital that these essays be the students' own thoughts and words. 

Me ke aloha,

Kumu Becca

Week 4 Notes

Aloha Kakou! 

Week 4 means you are half-way done with your double-credit English course! Woo-hoo! Hang in there!

If any of you want or need to finish your English course early, you can do any of the work in advance. 

These essays showed a lot of passion but not a lot of knowledge. Passion without knowledge is just noise.

Every claim you make, you must be able to back up. Captain Cook did not come from America to overthrow the queen and kill anyone who spoke Hawaiian. 

Real terrible things happened in Hawaiian history. Don't disrespect those real things by making things up. 

Find good sources, like this wonderful Punana Leo timeline, to back up your words.  

http://www.ahapunanaleo.org/index.php?/about/a_timeline_of_revitalization/

Plagiarizing vs. using sources:

If you find an article online about your topic, NEVER COPY AND PASTE ANY OF IT.

Here's how you use research online. 

1. Find articles from good sources (NOT ask.com, yahoo news, etc.)

2. READ the articles until you UNDERSTAND them.

3. Use the knowledge you gained to explain your ideas IN YOUR OWN WORDS.

4. Even if you use your own words, say where you got the information from.        According to Punana Leo... 

According to my dad, an organic farmer... 

5. If you find a source that says EXACTLY the idea you want in your essay, you PUT THEIR WORDS IN QUOTES. 

According to Punana Leo, in 1896, "Education through the Hawaiian language in both public and private schools is outlawed."

6. Once you use a quote from someone else, you have you use your own words to explain why that quote relates to your ideas. 

"This began a systematic oppression of the Hawaiian language by schools that demoralized and disempowered the Hawaiian speaking population." 

One last important point! Book Reports are due on Friday.  MAKE SURE YOU HAVE CHOSE ONE OF THE OPTIONS. (Click here for more details, including rubrics: http://kawaikinienglish.blogspot.com/2016/04/how-do-we-book-report.html) 

Remember to have another person look over your essays and book reports before you turn them in. Another set of eyes can help you catch any big problems.

Aloha students and parents,

I'm excited to hear your thoughts about why olelo Hawaii is important in your informative essays this week! 

Not sure what an informative essays looks like? Go here: http://kawaikinienglish.blogspot.com/p/wait-whats-essay-again.html

The final grades on the essays are based on the IMPROVEMENTS you make between the draft and the final. 

These improvements are not just my small suggested edits but THE BIG CHANGES I SUGGEST in the rubric at the bottom of the page.

Read what I write (highlighted in yellow) and make those changes. THAT IS THE BASIS OF YOUR GRADE. It looks like this:

Skill	What I will look for:	Draft Notes	Final Notes
Sentence Fluency	Varied sentence lengths, natural sounding sentences, connecting words (aka subordinating conjunctions) like although, after, because, before, if, since, though, unless, until, when, whenever, where, wherever, and while Active voice, not passive voice (not “the pizza was eaten by him” but “he ate the pizza”)	This was so nice and clear! Make sure each sentence is a whole thought.

Good luck! Carry on! Mai ha'awi pio!

Me ke aloha,

Kumu Becca

Week three feedback!

Aloha e na haumana!

We are coming into week three of our intense English class and I am seeing some patterns. Please read this post c a r e f u l l y . We will be able to make improvements all together. 

When you turn in your assignment you need a clear title: your name, number and title of assignment. Make these flush RIGHT on your page.

Title your google document with Your Name,  Assignment, #. For example: "Kawika Essay #1 Ola Pono"

*IMPORTANT*

Do the actual assignment. Answer the question I ASK, and answer it exactly. Add your own creativity, your own spin, but ANSWER my assignment. On MANY of the book reports I couldn't tell which option you chose. MAKE IT SO CLEAR IT GLOWS IN THE DARK.

For book reports, books that are not on the list have to be approved!

If you don't understand a word in an assignment, like "Collage," LOOK IT UP. 

I am grading you based on the changes you make between your first draft and your final. When I look over your draft, I make suggested edits, and I give detailed instructions for how to improve IN THE RUBRIC ON THE BOTTOM. Make those changes and you will get a very good grade! Ignore them and you will not!

DO NOT REJECT MY SUGGESTIONS. When you press that little X next to my suggestion it sends me an email saying you have rejected my suggestion. THAT IS BAD.

If I make one suggestion, for example, turn an i into an I, you go through and do the rest on your own. I am not going to fix every mistake for you in the suggested edits. Once I've told you what the problem is and how to fix it, you need to do it for all the other mistakes. 

REREAD your work, at least once, preferably out loud to somebody else. If it doesn't make sense to you when you read it, change it. 

If you see red underlined spelling errors, change them. You can do that by right clicking on the word and looking at the suggestions. 

Tone! Part of the six traits rubric is your tone. You MUST be respectful of your audience. In this case, your audience is ME! If you write an essay about how stupid your teachers are, YOU HAVE FAILED ON TONE. I don't actually care if you DO think that, in your essay, you show your audience respect. 

Say it with me kids, "You cannot be persuasive while being RUDE." One more time for the people in the back! "YOU CANNOT BE PERSUASIVE WHILE BEING RUDE!"

Okay, *end rant.*

Spell out gonna, wanna as "going to" and "want to." How we talk is different from how we write. 

VERY IMPORTANT! Do not plagiarize!!! That means, do not copy and paste ANYTHING into your essay. Do not borrow anybody else's words or ideas or images or ANYTHING, without putting them in quotes and saying where you got them from. The next example of plagiarism I see will be an automatic FAIL! 

Okay, let's end on a more positive note.

I have been very impressed with your consistency! We have had almost perfect turn-in rates with the essays.

You guys are doing some very creative and interesting things with your book reports-- I loved the video tool that many of you used! 

You guys are getting the hang of the essay format! Your hooks are getting more interesting, and your paragraphs are getting more clear and more organized!

Many of you are very funny and you are able to put your own wonderful voices into your essays! That makes them really fun to read. 

I am confident that by the end, all of you will be able to write a super clear and well-thought-out essay that is a pleasure to write and read. 

Me ke aloha!

--Kumu Becca

Need more information? 

Not sure what the book report options are? http://kawaikinienglish.blogspot.com/2016/04/how-do-we-book-report.html

Not sure what the essay questions are? 

http://kawaikinienglish.blogspot.com/2016/04/q4-syllabus-and-calendar.html

Not sure how you're being graded?

http://kawaikinienglish.blogspot.com/p/wait-whats-essay-again.html

Not sure which books you can read?

http://kawaikinienglish.blogspot.com/p/recommended-reading-lists.html

Not sure what is going on AT ALL?

http://kawaikinienglish.blogspot.com/2016/04/2016-4th-quarter-virtually-english.html

You need EVEN MORE INFORMATION??

https://goo.gl/HtohKN

How Do We Book Report?

Middle School Book Report Options

Choose from these options to make your book reports.  

Make a movie trailer for your book focused on the characters and how they change throughout.	Make up a soundtrack for the book. List key moments in the story, describe what’s going on, why it’s important, and then explain what song should be the soundtrack to each moment.	Write a series of newspaper articles that explain what’s happening in the story and why it’s important.
Make a comic book adaptation of the beginning, middle and end focusing on point of view. Who sees what?	Turn your book into a musical or opera-- write three songs that are about key moments when the plot is moved forward.	Talk back to the author. Write a long and detailed letter to the author asking questions about their writing process, about their books, and making connections to your own life.
Make a board game that allows the players to act out the plot of the book.	Create a Prezi about the author, plot, characters, setting, theme, and quotes.	Create a photo collage illustrating the theme of the book, and explain in a short essay how the images show they way the theme develops throughout.

Book Report Rubric

Skill	Score
Ideas: Ideas are original, ideas are clear. Good evidence.
Tidiness & Conventions: be careful, double check, fix mistakes
Voice: Engaging, appropriate to audience, self-revealing
Creativity: Go beyond the obvious, push limits, make with pride

High School Book Report Options

SELECT four of the following essay options for your four book reports. These essays will be graded based on the 6 Traits rubric.

Key Ideas and Details

1. What is this book REALLY about? Think about the theme, think about the deeper message. Cite strong evidence to support analysis of what the text says explicitly as well as inferences drawn from the text, including determining where the text leaves matters uncertain.

2. Provide an objective summary of the text. Determine two or more themes or central ideas of a text and analyze their development over the course of the text, including how they interact and build on one another to produce a complex account.

3. Analyze the impact of the author's choices regarding how to develop and relate elements of a story or drama (e.g., where a story is set, how the action is ordered, how the characters are introduced and developed). What do you imagine the author’s thinking was? Did they make effective choices to accomplish their goal?

Craft and Structure

1. How does the author use language in this book? Determine the meaning of words and phrases as they are used in the text, including figurative and connotative meanings; analyze the cumulative impact of specific word choices on meaning and tone (e.g. how the language evokes a sense of time and place; how it sets a formal or informal tone).

2. Analyze how an author's choices concerning how to structure a text, order events within it (e.g., parallel plots), and manipulate time (e.g. pacing, flashbacks) create such effects as mystery, tension, or surprise. Were the choices effective for the genre?

3. Analyze a particular point of view or cultural experience reflected in a work of literature from outside the United States, drawing on a wide reading of world literature. How does this point of view relate to Hawaii and Hawaiian culture?

Integration of Knowledge and Ideas.

7. Analyze the representation of a subject or a key scene in two different artistic mediums, including what is emphasized or absent in each treatment (e.g. The Hobbit the book compared with The Hobbit the movies.)

8. Analyze how an author draws on and transforms source material in a specific work (e.g. how Beauty the novel uses the source material of The Brothers’ Grimm Beauty and the Beast).

Six Traits Essay Rubric

Each essay will need to demonstrate mastery of the following literary skills. Use this chart as a checklist for each of your essays. This is how I will grade your essays as well.

Skill	What I will look for:	Score
Sentence Fluency	Varied sentence lengths natural sounding sentences connecting words (aka subordinating conjunctions) like although, after, because, before, if, since, though, unless, until, when, whenever, where, wherever, and while Active voice, not passive voice (not “the pizza was eaten by him” but “he ate the pizza”
Voice	Risks self-revelation appropriate tone to task passionate respectful of audience engage reader
Ideas	main idea is clear relevant evidence topic is narrow and focused support is accurate go beyond the obvious fresh ideas
Word Choice	Powerful vocabulary use imagery and figurative language natural word choice Use precise words and phrases; sensory details strong nouns specific verbs
Organization	Each essay has a clear Thesis Each paragraph has a clear topic sentence Showcase the central idea inviting lead or hook logical sequence good pacing satisfying conclusion thoughtful transitions
Conventions	Formatting Spelling Grammar Punctuation Clear meaning

Essay #1 Hints and Tips

Aloha Kakou!

I got almost everyone's draft-- well done! Everyone will be able to make lots of improvement. 

By now you should be seeing my edits and suggestions on your drafts! Please read all of them carefully. Fix the problems I describe.

Here are some notes to help you do better with your essays

Before you begin, make an outline.

Decide, What is my point? 

State your point very clearly in the first paragraph. 

Everything in the essay then supports that point.

Make a giant brainstorm of all the support you can think of for your point.

Organize your support into three (or more!) paragraphs.

Each paragraph is only about ONE KIND OF SUPPORT.

End with a conclusion. Tell me your point AGAIN.

Leave me with a deep thought.

I want to see FIVE clear paragraphs in each essay-- an introduction, three body paragraphs, and a conclusion. 

Also, make sure to WRITE YOUR NAME and THE DATE and an INTERESTING TITLE on the top. 

Title your documents YOUR NAME & ESSAY # or TITLE.

For Example, my essay from this week should be titled Becca Ola Pono Essay #1

That way it's easy to find.

Only once the problem is fixed, you mark the comment "Resolved." 

You don't need to share your essays again-- once they are shared with me, I can see them forever, and see all of your changes.

Please don't make a new document for your final draft. I need to see that you've responded to my comments and suggestions.

Don't say, "I think..." or "I believe..." or "In my opinion..." in your essays because it actually makes your argument WEAKER. Just say it like it's truth

Formatting: Everybody needs to use ARIAL, Normal Text, Size 12, normal 1" margins, not bold, not italic.

Go beyond the ordinary! Challenge yourself, challenge your thinking. Prove a totally different point from anyone else. Please, PLEASE don't use all one outline as a class. I was SO BORED reading these-- everyone kept saying the same thing over and over: physically, mentally, spiritually. Don't bore me while I'm grading you!

Last bit of advice: before 2 pm on Friday, READ your essay OUT LOUD to somebody else. Does it make sense? Do the words flow easily? If not, change it.

Mahalo!

Kumu Becca

Q4 Syllabus and Calendar

2016 Q4: English Language Arts Syllabus & Calendar

Week 1

Essay Prompt: Argument Essay. What should people do to live ke ola pono?

Draft due: 4/13/16

Final Essay due: 4/15/16

Week 2

Essay Prompt: Research Essay. What do you want to do after high school? Research three different options and present your findings. Cite your sources correctly. (Not sure how to cite? Go to: https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/747/01/)

Draft due: 4/20/16

Final Essay due: 4/22/16

Book Report due: 4/22/16

Week 3

Essay Prompt: Research Essay: What are some issues that are important to Hawaii today? Where else are those issues important? Research the connection between Hawaii and the global community in regards to these issues. Cite your sources correctly. (Not sure how to cite? Go to: https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/747/01/)

Draft due: 4/27/16

Final Essay due: 4/29/16

Week 4

Essay Prompt: Informative Essay: What is something important the world needs to know about the Hawaiian Language?

Draft due: 5/4/16

Final Essay due: 5/6/16

Book Report: 5/6/16

Week 5

Essay Prompt: Informative Essay: Choose any topic related to Kauai o Manokalanipo and Hawaiian culture, beliefs and practices and explain it so that someone from another place could understand what it is and why it is important.

Draft due: 5/11/16

Final Essay due: 5/13/16

Week 6

Essay Prompt: Argument Essay: Maika’i no kaua’i, hemolele i ka malie? Explain your love and care for your island home.

Draft due: 5/18/16

Final Essay due: 5/20/16

Book Report: 5/20/16

Break for La Hoikeike and Graduation

Week 7

Essay Prompt: Narrative Essay: Tell a story about the way indigenous knowledge is valued, applied and perpetuated in your own life.

Draft due: 6/8/16

Final Essay due: 6/10/16

Book Report #4 due: 6/10/16

Week 8

Essay Prompt: Narrative Essay: Explain how Hawaiian Language, beliefs and practices have become instinctive for you.

Draft due: 6/15/16

Final Essay due: 6/17/16

Final: What have you learned this quarter? What are your strengths and weaknesses? What would you like to learn in the future

Final Due: 6/17/16

Extra Credit: Extra essays, reports, poetry, book reports

2016 4th Quarter: Virtually English!

Well, it's been a weird, wild ride, but here we are. And we are going to English the HECK out of this last quarter!

For a full syllabus, click here: https://goo.gl/HtohKN

Introduction and Pahuhopu

Kawaikini NCPCS

Kumu Rebecca Stevenson

KawaikiniEnglish@gmail.com

KawaikiniEnglish.Blogspot.com

Text @ 808-430-3767

April 11, 2016

Aloha!

We’ve come to the end of the year through many twists and turns, but here we are, filled with aloha and concern for the learning and achievement of the keiki of Kawaikini. We are united in that goal, and their success will carry us all forward! I mua!

Pahuhopu o Keia Hapakau:

All secondary students will write and revise their writing;  read and reflect on their reading. They will be held to high standards and allowed to progress from where they are.

Flexibility:

Students need to show growth and improvement-- from WHERE THEY BEGIN. For example, students who begin with only a few sentences will show growth by writing an entire essay. Students who begin with a full essay will show growth by writing with style, originality and voice. Students must incorporate the feedback I give them individually to show their growth.

HOWEVER. I cannot be flexible with due dates with this course. Students MUST FIND A WAY to get their assignments to me on time. Google docs, email, text-- whatever it takes, GET THE ASSIGNMENTS TO ME ON TIME.

Rigor:

All assignments meet Common Core English Language Arts Standards for writing and reading. Essay Types:

Narrative CCSS.ELA-LITERACY.W.8.3

Argument CCSS.ELA-LITERACY.W.8.1

Informative/Explanatory CCSS.ELA-LITERACY.W.8.2

Research CCSS.ELA-LITERACY.W.8.7

See www.corestandards.org/ELA-Literacy/ for in depth information about the standards, and the reminder worksheet below for more information about essays.

Cultural Connection:

We look to Kawaikini’s ESLRs and mission and vision to guide our engagement with Hawaiian culture. Each essay assignment reflects a portion of these nuukia:

ESLRS: Ola Pono/Healthy Lives, College/Career and Global Community, Academic Excellence, Hawaiian Language, Manokalanipo: Knowledge and love for Kauai, Behave in a Culturally Appropriate manner.

Nuukia: We envision a thoughtful, knowledgeable, and healthy community where the language, beliefs and practices of the indigenous people of Hawaii have become instinctive.

Ala Nuukia: Through the Medium of the Hawaiian language, KAwaikini New Century Public Charter School will create a supportive learning environment where indigenous cultural knowledge is valued, applied and perpetuated.

Access:

Students will submit assignments via Google drive by sharing them with KawaikiniEnglish@gmail.com. They can also contact me via text at 808-430-3767. It is VERY IMPORTANT that students check their email. THEIR GRADE DEPENDS on communicating with me. Their feedback will come from “suggested edits” on those work and via email.

For Parents:

The full syllabus is available here: https://goo.gl/HtohKN

Please follow along to see assignments, expectations, due-dates, and also a worksheet students can use to calculate their grades.

Also, see the class blog for reading lists, assignment schedules, rubrics and other useful information. KawaikiniEnglish.blogspot.com

IMPORTANT: Each student has a grade sheet that has been shared with them. It is titled “2016 English Grade: Student’s Name.” Check this document to monitor your progress!

Grading:

I am an English teacher but I always grade with math. See the “Calculating Your Grade” Worksheet for a breakdown of all assignments. There is a total of 510 points. Here’s the grading scale. EVERY POINT COUNTS.

A 459-510, B 408-458, C 357-407, D 306-356, F 0-305

Each student will have their own grade sheet on Google Docs (titled 2016 Q4 English Grade: student name)that I will fill in as we go so students and parents and admin can check in real time. Make sure I have your updated email so I can share the grade sheet with you.

Extra Credit:

Extra essays, reports, poetry, book reports, interpretive dances, film reviews, scathing twitter rants-- if you do something awesome and it relates to the art of Language and I agree it’s awesome-- I can give you some extra points. Amaze me.