Week 4 Feedback

Aloha! Here are some notes for this week.

Make outlines of your essays before you begin. 

Your intro needs to say the three main ideas you’re going to talk about.

Then talk about those three main ideas in the three body paragraphs.

Then sum them up again in the conclusion.

Book reports: choose one option. From now on, please INCLUDE which option you are choosing in your finished book report. 

If you made a Prezi-- resend! You all invited me to collaborate or edit, but none of the links work. Instead, find a link to SHARE it with me. There may be other ways as well-- possibly to upload to Youtube? None of the Prezi book reports have received a grade. Get those to me ASAP so you can get a grade. 

I MUST have your drafts by Wed 2pm to guarantee corrections. If not, I probably will not get to you in time. If I don't get a draft from you on time, you will be graded based on EVERYTHING in the 6 Traits Rubric rather than just my yellow highlighted comments and suggested edits. 

My grading schedule: Sorry! I am still working through the grades! If you are missing something, I have already let you know. Remember, the most important feedback is not the GRADE. The most important feedback is what I write I write in the rubric of your first drafts.

Why are you getting bad grades? I grade based on the amount of change and improvement from first draft to final. If all you did was change the spelling of  few words, you're going to get a bad grade. If you added sensory images and strong evidence and interesting connections to your own life, you will get a good grade!

Good writing is saying a complex idea simply. Bad writing is saying a simple idea in an overly complicated way. Beware of little filler words that make your writing sound fancy without actually improving your idea. 

Make the changes I suggest. Answer the questions I ask. Fix the problems I point out. If in my comment I tell you, "This is not a good source. Use one like this:" I want you to change the source in your final draft.

Finally, do you guys remember Dora the Explorer?? Remember how she always had a Map? And it was ridiculously simple with the three places they were going to go? Then then went to those places? And then at the end they said, "We went to these three places!!" THAT IS HOW YOU WRITE AN ESSAY. 

In the introduction, tell me where we're going.  I need a roadmap sentence in the introductory paragraph. Then in the three body paragraphs, take me to those ideas. In the conclusion, tell me where we went. Vamanos!

Mahalo for all your hard work! Keep it up! The end is in sight!

Me ke aloha!

Kumu Becca 

I ka ‘ōlelo no ke ola, i ka ‘ōlelo nō ka make.

How can Parents Help?

Parents, thank you for your support and involvement! 

I have an important requirement for you. Do not write your student's essays for them. It robs them of the chance to learn, and teaches them that you think they are not capable. 

Let them make and correct their own mistakes. 

You can help by having your child read their essay out loud to you. 

Ask them questions: 

"What are you trying to say?" 

"Where is your evidence?"  

"When do you need capitals or periods?" 

"Is this word spelled correctly?" 

Have them read the rubric with you, and help them understand the assignment better. 

Do not write for them. 

Better a beginner essay that the student actually wrote than an advanced essay that the student didn't write. Just like with plagiarism, it is vital that these essays be the students' own thoughts and words. 

Me ke aloha,

Kumu Becca

Week 4 Notes

Aloha Kakou! 

Week 4 means you are half-way done with your double-credit English course! Woo-hoo! Hang in there!

If any of you want or need to finish your English course early, you can do any of the work in advance. 

These essays showed a lot of passion but not a lot of knowledge. Passion without knowledge is just noise.

Every claim you make, you must be able to back up. Captain Cook did not come from America to overthrow the queen and kill anyone who spoke Hawaiian. 

Real terrible things happened in Hawaiian history. Don't disrespect those real things by making things up. 

Find good sources, like this wonderful Punana Leo timeline, to back up your words.  

http://www.ahapunanaleo.org/index.php?/about/a_timeline_of_revitalization/

Plagiarizing vs. using sources:

If you find an article online about your topic, NEVER COPY AND PASTE ANY OF IT.

Here's how you use research online. 

1. Find articles from good sources (NOT ask.com, yahoo news, etc.)

2. READ the articles until you UNDERSTAND them.

3. Use the knowledge you gained to explain your ideas IN YOUR OWN WORDS.

4. Even if you use your own words, say where you got the information from.        According to Punana Leo... 

According to my dad, an organic farmer... 

5. If you find a source that says EXACTLY the idea you want in your essay, you PUT THEIR WORDS IN QUOTES. 

According to Punana Leo, in 1896, "Education through the Hawaiian language in both public and private schools is outlawed."

6. Once you use a quote from someone else, you have you use your own words to explain why that quote relates to your ideas. 

"This began a systematic oppression of the Hawaiian language by schools that demoralized and disempowered the Hawaiian speaking population." 

One last important point! Book Reports are due on Friday.  MAKE SURE YOU HAVE CHOSE ONE OF THE OPTIONS. (Click here for more details, including rubrics: http://kawaikinienglish.blogspot.com/2016/04/how-do-we-book-report.html) 

Remember to have another person look over your essays and book reports before you turn them in. Another set of eyes can help you catch any big problems.

Aloha students and parents,

I'm excited to hear your thoughts about why olelo Hawaii is important in your informative essays this week! 

Not sure what an informative essays looks like? Go here: http://kawaikinienglish.blogspot.com/p/wait-whats-essay-again.html

The final grades on the essays are based on the IMPROVEMENTS you make between the draft and the final. 

These improvements are not just my small suggested edits but THE BIG CHANGES I SUGGEST in the rubric at the bottom of the page.

Read what I write (highlighted in yellow) and make those changes. THAT IS THE BASIS OF YOUR GRADE. It looks like this:

Skill	What I will look for:	Draft Notes	Final Notes
Sentence Fluency	Varied sentence lengths, natural sounding sentences, connecting words (aka subordinating conjunctions) like although, after, because, before, if, since, though, unless, until, when, whenever, where, wherever, and while Active voice, not passive voice (not “the pizza was eaten by him” but “he ate the pizza”)	This was so nice and clear! Make sure each sentence is a whole thought.

Good luck! Carry on! Mai ha'awi pio!

Me ke aloha,

Kumu Becca